Disclaimer: this post represent my personal experience and opinion. By any mean serves as professional advice. If you are struggling with depression and/or anxiety, grab your friends, family or support system, and seek the right help.
What were some events that triggered depression symptoms?
The loss of a close college friendship last year was a heartbreaking experience, as it was someone that I cherished and looked forward to very much. This friend married, moved overseas and over time, infructuous attempts to get together and update on each other (I blame it on the lack of interest of that friend) withered our friendship. Sadly, due to a misinterpretation of a comment in social media, I got blocked.
Since I’m such a social and outgoing person, having much acquaintances was a source of satisfaction. I had to forcibly sacrifice it because of facing criticism from some of them, given the fact of having joined a local cultural group and committing to its activities. At that time, some friends approached and sincerely advised me I was “partying with the wrong people”. That helped me to put things into perspective. After a few years appreciating them, I felt that I was spending my time with people that didn’t want to know the real me nor support my motivations.
Seemingly, I got over it. But truth it, I’m still recovering because of the tendency of attaching to people and expecting the best from them. I’m taking my time to understand and truly appreciate the value of just having a small supportive system of friends that luckily, I didn’t lose while I shared with others. In-between my imperfections, my real friends are a priority.
Family and economic related issues were also weighing down on me at the same time my fiance and I decided to get married, which was a decision we made because we love each other and want to be independent together. Even though I engaged in new activities at the beginning of this year (studying a new language and being physically active again) to improve my general mood, I still experienced death-related thoughts, panic and cathartic attacks due to stress.
Physical symptoms preoccupied me the most so I decided to seek professional help. I’m currently undergoing multi-modal therapy which includes psychological and psychiatric approaches. One day at a time, I’m learning to love myself more, go with the flow, understand the setbacks and appreciate life.
Struggling with anxiety and depression needs investing because sessions and medications can be expensive. However, researching for useful, cheap resources in your area, if you are on a budget, helps you to gain a sense of responsibility once you start treating yourself. One of the most valuable lessons I have learned through this process is that assimilating your value helps you being a better person for this world. People around you deserve to see the best version of yourself.
In my opinion, I don’t believe in victimization. I believe in opportunities. And trust me, if you have the means to better your condition, you’re very privileged. By the time I understood this, I started committing. Is not perfect, I can’t tell you I’m 100% happy with my life overall. There are good and bad days.
One thing that keeps me going for sure? Gratitude. And that’s about it.