The weight in my luggage was probably too much for me to handle. Thinking all the way through that I was strong and could deal with these difficult relationships that were sucking my spirit. I was calling out to meet people halfway, searching for mutual understanding, instead feeling that I was the one to blame. I thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel; days have passed and as I heavily stroll through the routine, my vision has become blurrier.
Living with your own shadow as if it were a separate being is weird to explain. You go forward in life and there’s a dissociation where each achievement, each memory seems to be destroyed by own self-doubt and sadness. No matter how conscious you are of all the positive, amazing things that are at your favor. On days where the crisis is stronger, it was not normal to believe there was no tomorrow. Mind me, loving life and grabbing so hard to have a healthy passage through it keeps me with a strong illusion to move forward. Definitely, I could not do it alone.
From now on, even if I would be questioning lifting a finger or getting up to go to work, or thinking about just sleeping on a coffee date, I will overcome this difficult phase that is covering me in darkness. Holding on onto love and overwhelming positive feelings each day, I will wake up someday and feel truly happy and recharged. Feeling laughter inside, instead of tears flowing. I will.